Have you ever hit a birthday and thought, “I imagined things would be different by now”? I pictured being more of one thing, less of another, and a lot more of many others — richer, healthier, less stressed, established, confident, and so on. We all set expectations for ourselves, year after year, and we still do.
Yesterday was my birthday. While I have much to celebrate — including launching this website — I never expected to be 38, single, child-free, and embarking on a new career path. Yes, I’m saying that out loud.
Still, I’ve never felt more excited about getting older. In fact, I have a strong feeling that 38 could be one of my best years yet.
Why the excitement despite not meeting some societal milestones? Because in the past year I learned several essential lessons that changed how I approach life, health, and work. These realizations felt like clouds parting and, at times, like rainbows emerging after storms.
Progress is a series of small steps. Sometimes they go sideways or even backward, but over time they move you forward.
When I was diagnosed with celiac disease — the first of several autoimmune conditions — my doctor said my labs would normalize within three months of going gluten-free. In reality, it took two years. During that time my health fluctuated wildly; it felt like forwards, sideways, and backwards all at once.
The difference was that I kept taking small steps every day. Had I quit out of frustration, I would have missed the steady progress that finally arrived. Recovery, healing, and personal growth rarely happen overnight. They happen through consistent action, even when results aren’t immediate or obvious.
Life rarely follows the plan you imagined. Sometimes the unexpected path turns out to be a great alternative.
As a teen I pictured meeting “the one” by my mid-20s, starting a family, and settling into domestic bliss. That didn’t happen. Instead, I’ve had adventures, career wins, and experiences I never anticipated. The life I have now includes many meaningful achievements that wouldn’t have occurred if my earlier plan had unfolded exactly as I imagined.
I still want a partner and children at some point, but I’ve learned that obsessing over unmet expectations blinds you to who you are and what you’ve gained. The alternative — the life that emerged from detours and surprises — can be genuinely fulfilling.
A “stop-doing” list can be more powerful than a “start-doing” list.
We all make to-do or bucket lists, which are useful. But making a list of habits, thoughts, and interactions to stop can be transformative. In the last year I wrote down behaviors I wanted to eliminate: staying in a draining job, engaging with chronic complainers, and using limiting phrases like “I’m the kind of person who…”
Putting those items on a stop-doing list created space and energy for the positive things I wanted to start. Once the excuses and disclaimers were gone, my start-doing list became far more exciting and achievable.
All the things you think you can’t do are usually possible if you choose to make them happen.
When I say I’ll work in Thailand for a few months, people often respond, “I’d love that, but I just can’t because…” Those reasons can be valid — family, job, finances — but there is almost always a way when you prioritize and decide to make something happen.
Starting my online health and wellness site felt overwhelming at first. I didn’t know the legal steps, the technical details, or the marketing basics. But my desire to help others was stronger than my fear. I stopped saying “I can’t,” declared my intentions, researched what I needed to learn, and took consistent steps. Bit by bit, it came together.
The old maxim “you can do anything you set your mind to” isn’t just a cliché. It’s true when you commit, plan, and take action.
With practice you can learn to find the good in difficult situations.
When I received one autoimmune diagnosis after another and later lost my job unexpectedly, I was devastated. I wallowed — and that was a necessary part of processing. But after the initial grief, I looked for what I could learn and how I could grow.
My health diagnoses were wake-up calls. They forced me to change my habits and prioritize wellness, which ultimately improved how I feel day to day. Losing my job, painful as it was, pushed me to pursue a path driven by passion instead of security. That shift enabled me to build a small online business where I wake up energized and free to create the life I want.
Many life challenges are outside our control. For control-oriented people, that can be tough. But learning to accept what you can’t change and to find value in unexpected outcomes reduces stress and opens the door to new possibilities — the metaphorical double rainbows.
So here’s to turning 38 — to new beginnings, steady progress, and choosing the life you want, even when it looks different than imagined.
Has your life turned out how you expected? What would you put on your stop-doing list?